new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
