My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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