I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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