We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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