and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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