that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
