it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
