fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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