I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
