1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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