there's paper in my vomit.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
