im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
