they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
