i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
