the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
