I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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