I feel great
I just peed on a car
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
