Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
