i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
