It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
