Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
