planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
