Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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