Can i not drive my cunt home
from now on my penis is your penis
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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