I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
