There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
