you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
