I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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