if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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