I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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