just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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