I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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