Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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