There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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