I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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