If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
