'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
