do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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