so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
