Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
