so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
