I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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