I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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