I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
