U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
