i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
there's paper in my vomit.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
