im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
