I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
