Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
