You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
