Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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