Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The power of my boobs compel you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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