I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack