i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
