Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
we should paint friendship bongs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
