Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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