Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
