he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
