Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
