You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
