EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize