I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You took a bar mat shot.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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