I met the friendliest cop last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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