I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
