sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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