I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
