i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
