he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
