Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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