It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
