so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
