well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
