Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
