I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
