Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
