you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?