Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.