I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
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would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us