Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.