I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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