im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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