Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule