Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
