Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You smell like stripper and shame
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
