If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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