I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
