Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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