The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry