i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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