Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
