You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex