WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
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We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE