i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.