Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
