Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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