i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
