I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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